


i wanted you to love me

by Aquatic_duck1223



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, a little hurt about my own story, yeah i cried writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29599437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquatic_duck1223/pseuds/Aquatic_duck1223
Summary: “If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that’s okay. it just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes ends. and no one likes pain. but sometimes, we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our well-being. not every new beginning is meant to last forever. and not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay”orWhere Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi both meet and both leave with tears.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	i wanted you to love me

**Author's Note:**

> ANGST 
> 
> my first language is not english so please excuse any spelling mistakes, also i’m not sure about this story it’s a bit messy and i wrote it without any plot whatsoever at 3am.

Miya Atsumu was in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi and Sakusa Kiyoomi was in love with Miya Atsumu. Simple. 

Miya Atsumu wanted Sakusa Kiyoomi, he needed him. Like air to breath or water for a plant. He fell in love with him tragically, way faster than he would admit. It could have been because of the small (very rare) smiles or maybe it was just the small things like how he would leave Atsumu a bottle of water, knowing that the boy had overworked himself again. 

Miya Atsumu remembers meeting Sakusa. He was a jerk. A jerk who was actually a huge softie. 

Miya Atsumu is not quite sure how or when he fell in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi and he is okay with that. 

He watched as Sakusa Kiyoomi fell in love with him, he watched him become more confident, and then he watched him fall out of love. 

He watched him come home late, stay late to practice spikes. He watched him as he looked towards their bedroom only to sleep on the couch. He watched as he left early before he thought the boy would wake up. 

But, 

he hadn’t noticed until it was too late. 

He had been so blindly in love that it had taken Osamu shaking him by the shoulders and yelling it to him before he realized that Sakusa Kiyoomi had stopped loving him. 

If you wonder what it's like to watch someone fall out of love with you, it is one of the most excruciatingly painful things in the world. what else was Miya Atsumu to do as he watched and watched and watched. 

What had he done wrong? 

Why had he not been enough? 

Was there someone else? 

Had Sakusa known long before he had? 

Why? 

Why? 

Why? 

•  
Atsumu perked up at the sound of keys opening the door, to their apartment. His hands were shaking, he hadn’t even noticed before this. It was late the clock across the room read 2:34 in the morning and Atsumu rubbed his eyes holding back a yawn. 

Sakusa walked through the front door. His eyes had widened when he saw his boyfriend still awake. It was late. 

“What are you still doing..” his words got caught in his throat as Atsumu cut him off. 

“I want this over.” 

“...Atsumu what, please what’s wrong. Is it something I did? You can tell me.” 

“Please just stop” Atsumu’s eyes started to tear up and Sakusa stood silently maybe in shock, maybe even in anger or maybe even… in happiness something had said in the back of Atsumu’s mind. 

Sakusa looked up and made eye contact with Atsumu. They were the same eyes that used to look at Atsumu with so much love. They seemed empty now. 

“Fine” 

“Fine.” 

and he walked out and looked back but didn’t look back again after that. He gave Atsumu one of his small rare smiles, one that he had fallen in love with before never coming back. 

“I wanted you to love me” Atsumu had whispered as he watched the boy retreat his form getting smaller and smaller before it was nothing big, an empty road and a flickering light. 

•  
Sakusa Kiyoomi would not admit he needed Miya Atsumu, over his dead body. He knew he fell in love with him and he hated himself for that. He hated how he wanted the boy to smile, how he would make sure the boy was okay. how he cared. 

he had never cared for anyone like that. like he had for Miya Atsumu and that’s where it all went wrong. 

horribly wrong. 

Something you should know about Sakusa Kiyoomi is that he was scared. Of what? he asked himself the same thing. It might have been the fans or maybe just himself but something changed every time he looked at Miya Atsumu. 

He felt the same things he had felt since day one, the butterflies, the warm thoughts but something new also. 

“Miya Atsumu couldn’t possibly like Sakusa Kiyoomi, he is so much better than that. Than someone like him” 

Sakusa didn’t receive a lot of hate, so he didn’t see why one comment should hurt him. 

It did. 

A lot. 

Did Atsumu not love him? 

He started to busy himself, looking away from the curious glances he received from his fellow teammates. Maybe it was best if he put some space in between him and Atsumu. Just in case he told himself. 

And his nightmares came true, Miya Atsumu had waited for him one night. He had ended it all that night and that night haunted Sakusa for the rest of his life. 

He remembers agreeing with the boy, he remembers walking away, he remembers turning around for the last time he remembers the boys face. He was crying and Sakusa had never seen the boy more distraught in his life, he doesn’t even recall the last time he’d seen Atsumu cry over something that wasn’t related to volleyball. 

He remembers crying too. 

It hurt. A lot. 

Thinking back on it he should have tried harder. He should have kept asking Atsumu why he should have fought for the boy's love. 

•  
I always thought that there was something romantic about fighting for someone. about winning them back. eventual happiness. but as I sit here with stones in my chest. where hope used to live. I have come to realize that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you.


End file.
